I'm so Indecisive

(even though the two posts were posted on the same day, the previous post "a pretty good day" were events from 10/15/13 and this one is from 10/16/13)

I was so excited to tell all of her doctors that she was calming down and she just needed to get that crap off of her head and all of that, but then she woke up angry. :( She didn't really calm down at all until she had a seizure at 9:30 this morning. Now she is sleeping again, but you can just tell something is really bothering her. After our first chat with Rehab yesterday about waiting to start Gabapentin we decided that with how bothered she is here it wouldn't hurt to give her a few doses to see if it helps and then if I decide to try to take her off I can, it wouldn't have to be permanent so I said okay. She got her first dose last night at 7pm - so it's possible that part of why she was so calm was because of the medicine. I told rehab that she was angry for a little bit until we got the EEG off then she calmed down and I wanted to hold the Gabapentin again to see if she needed it...I said this to them before she woke up...but then when she woke up pissed and wasn't calming down we all agreed to try it again to see if it did make a difference. It was a very back and forth back and forth decision because I don't want to give her a medicine that she doesn't need but I also don't want to not give her all the breaks she could use because i'm scared to give her a medicine..you know? They all expressed how safe this medicine is and that, again, it does not have to be a permanent thing, if I decide I want to try to take her off I can at any point-it would only take a day or so to get her off of it. Bottom line, we ARE on gabapentin and I feel okay with that.

Also, a very interesting tid-bit..its very possible, even extremely likely, that she is going through withdrawals from her lack of clonazepam the last few days. Which makes sense because she's been so sweaty and shakey and mad -- another "DUH" - so Abi is now dealing with another thing that I, as a 24 year old, has never experienced. Poor thing!

It's so tough when there are SO many things that could possibly be bothering her to know whats the best call. I hate to make decisions based on the moment at hand because I hate the idea of covering up something that could really be the real reason she was upset. But where she is getting food in her belly, she has been pooping, her EEG is off, and, other than just being here, there is nothing that should be bugging her anymore its safe to say there's something internal that is causing all this discomfort - withdrawal totally fits the culprit, but brain irritability does as well. - The neurologist said today something that hit home - because I kept talking about how she was at home before the seizures, and comparing to how she was at home before all of this started to go down. He mentioned that it is possible that how she was before isn't necessarily how she will is now-any and all of these events could spark neuro irritability..which makes perfect sense. I was holding onto what we had going on at the end of this summer and that's not fair to her because I wouldn't be making decisions based on what she needs now.

I'll tell you though, those 2 hours of calm Abi were wonderful, her head control was right back to where it was before all of this. That's all that I got to see but that gives me some pretty good hope that she will bounce right back after we get all of these things under control!

I just hope the team and I are making the right decisions.

However, some good news! "Going Home" and "outpatient" were two words thrown around today! We will be here the rest of today and probably tomorrow but I don't think they see the need for us to be here much longer-I can't imagine not being out of here by Friday if all goes well with her feeding and seizure activity today. We want to monitor the next day or two to make sure her seizure activity doesn't increase at all (per my request) I told him the lapse time between getting with Dr. Nelson is just too much (although he is WONDERFUL and gets back to me as soon as he can, its still email and phone-tag). So i'm guessing we will monitor the next 2 days and then get the heck out of dodge! Woo-Hoo!

Yay for AbiNormal!